In my family there is intergenerational dysfunctionality that goes back at least to the 1920s, perhaps even further.
- Siblings not speaking to siblings
- cousins not speaking to cousins
- one generation not speaking to next generation
- family considering other members dead to them
My family of origin (FOO), my father, mother and two younger brothers are as dysfunctional as they come.
My father cut his brother off decades ago over family silver.
My middle brother David cut me off more than 10 years ago
Recently as my father was ill and dying in mid 2021, my FOO conspired to get me out of the will and out of their life.
When I asked my mother to help mediate between me and my brothers so I can see my father, she refused, saying it’s not her job!
Using a Durable Power of attorney, they were able to block me from seeing my father as well as removing me as a beneficiary from any of his investments, savings or life insurance policies. Many of which my brother David not only sold to him but managed (conflict of interest, anyone!)
I found out my father died half a day after he passed, by my mother’s husband who called me. Not even my mother called! And way too late to go see him in the hospital. By that time his body was removed and sent to cremation.
So I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Didn’t get a dime from a multimillion estate. Was never told about or invited to any memorial service for healing or mourning.
No family of origin member called me.
Even the Royal family with all their drama have come together in time of mourning Queen Elizabeth II, to grieve and heal, like many other dysfunctional families do. Their divisions may continue, but they came together, unlike my FOO.
My FOO may have taken all that from me but they could never take away all the great memories I have with my Old Man.
My family, my wife, daughter and son could not be more loving and understanding and supportive.
Alec J. Rosen